Today I made my way home with a friend that shares my passion for writing. It goes without saying that we talked about my latest blog post, and there is some advice he gave that I think I will take. I am most intrigued by this one idea that he posed, whereby I am at times hiding behind the philosophical and hypothetical voice that I use. Could that be true?
I am quite certain that my way of articulating real and personal thoughts into abstract and universal statements is natural to me. I suppose I have an all-encompassing approach to life’s big and little lessons. I enjoy finding great meaning in the details of the day-to-day. Yet, I cannot forget that remark. I wonder if I am holding back. And if so, for what reason?
Well, since I cannot think of any good reason tonight, I will steep a bit deeper…
Don’t ask me how but on that streetcar ride home with that same friend I found myself using the phrase ‘getting their panties in a knot’. We laughed at my choice of words and then it was my stop. As I walked away, those silly words kept teasing me. Its a classic expression, and its translation is even more classic. But I felt like I wasn’t getting the full experience of the wrung-out saying. So I tried to think about the last time I got my panties in a knot. I thought for a good thirty something minutes and scrambled through several displeasing moments. I really wanted to feel the knot before I stopped. And I did. It turns out that the last time I got worked up over something was when my dog was nearly killed.
It was in the middle of this past summer, and I had just recently moved out of the nest. Charlie, my Siberian husky was still living with Papa Smurf while I was sorting my life out. After plenty of rational thinking and bitter realistic planning, I knew Charlie needed a new home, and it could not be with me. My dad sold the house shortly after I left, and after some travelling and hotel living, has settled into a modest condo. He has no desire to look after a big energetic dog. I could not afford to keep her, at the time it looked like a selfish feat. So my good friend whose family loved huskies came to my aid. After some play dates and orientation, Charlie was ready to become a member of this new awesome family. She even had a running pack to join: Whiskey and Blue. In Whiskey she found a handsome and vigorous potential boyfriend and in Blue an elder and chief example for the household.
Though before she made the wonderful leap she suffered the most horrid heat stroke. My dad had left her outside all day and night on one of the hottest weeks of the summer. Her water bowl was dry and she was in bad condition. May I remind you, she is a Siberian husky. During hot summer days these dogs should not even step outside between 10 am and 6 pm unless its to pee. My poor Charlie suffered. I will not describe her state because it just makes me furious to recall. Though, I will say I gave my dad a dreadful earful. I immediately made every effort to get her back to utmost health and because she is a trooper she came back from it as if she never left. And now she is living a doggone fantastic life! (Lame joke?) I am so happy that I get to visit her and her new family whenever I like. Her happiness is more my concern, and that she is. She gets homemade peanut butter dog treats and so much love and attention. I might miss her but knowing she is there allows me the occasional relief from my conscience.
Back to panties. So after realizing that this was the last time I can say I felt riled up, I was concerned. I witness my family and friends get flustered over relatively nothing, and yet I feel like there’s something wrong with me. If my dog has to be on the verge of death for me to get heated, I ought to check my heater. I see my friends get incredibly upset over the way they were greeted by another friend. I hear my friends talk about their boyfriends and how something he said made them see red. I on the other hand don’t get ‘knotted up’ over those things. Looking into my emotional track record, it appears that I should have gone shades of red when I chose to be aloof. Drama repels me though. In line with my character I choose to be indifferent at times of clashing interests so as to avoid a big show. This is usually the case in my romantic relationships.
I let things slide and they keep on sliding. I get bothered on the inside and it keeps on bothering. Why I do this, I have already analyzed more times than I have fingers. I think I can see the origins of this bad habit, and I take full blame. All things considered, the occasional knot is not so bad. It keeps things in check. It is a healthy outlet, because hell, you want to let that stuff out. Keeping negative feelings in can only accumulate and manifest a greater problem that cannot be so easily solved later on. You don’t want to end up with one huge knot, that would be too uncomfortable to undue. I speak from experience on this one. So be it with your lover, friend or foe, if you have qualms with them let them know.
I’m checking my panties, I think you should too.
giselleandbeyond 
“Keeping negative feelings in can only accumulate and manifest a greater problem that cannot be so easily solved later on. You don’t want to end up with one huge knot, that would be too uncomfortable to undue.“
Being indifferent is a lot easier than being dramatic, I have realized this recently too. I takes a lot of bravery to stand up for yourself, especially if they`re really close to you and you would rather not hurt their feelings. I have a new rule for myself – instead of complaining about someone behind their back I`m going to turn them around and bitch face to face instead.
YES and YES! I am going to follow your rule too. Its a good one.
“I hear my friends talk about their boyfriends and how something he said made them see red. I on the other hand don’t get ‘knotted up’ over those things. Looking into my emotional track record, it appears that I *should* have gone shades of red when I chose to be aloof.”
should?? According to societal standards? and don’t we all know that there are soo many things wrong with society! I’m a strong believer that the way you handle a situation is the way the situation is meant to be handled. There is no right and wrong. There is only right! The universe unfolds the way it does so we can learn from every situation. If your friend is getting angry at something that you don’t pay any attention to, both reactions is the right reaction for that particular person.
However, what is the effect of you acting a certain way? If you continue to act aloof, and this is causing situations you would rather not be attracting, then although you acting aloof is the right thing for you right now, it is only right because you need to learn from this reaction in order to evolve past a certain pattern.
I’m the queen of aloof. lol As you know, which is why you probably told me to read this blog! In a recent conversation with Matias, I told him how I was often aloof because I didn’t know what it was that was bothering me. I just felt badly, but couldn’t understand why I was feeling that way until it all built up and I exploded glutenous cookies on the person I’m with. So he told me the best way to overcome that is by communicating. If you feel bad just fucking say it! Stop holding that shit in. That’s really what you’re doing. You think you’re letting things go by being aloof, when really you’re suppressing that shit into your subconscious until it all gets regurgitated at once. Like doing shots! Eventually, tequila and whisky aren’t going to get along. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know why you feel the way you do, its how you feel so just be open and honest about it. There is most likely an underlying issue that needs to be brought to the surface and resolved… before you verbally vomit all over the person you’re with.
By the way, is that a happy face in your footer? lol i love it!
Wow Erika you’re full of ridiculously awesome insight! I love your beliefs on the matter. You and I are queens of aloof, but I think you could teach me a thing or two….
And yes, that was a happy face!