She told me to choose

Maybe you’re like me. Undecided.

You have inclinations towards some things, and you are less inclined towards others. You might be comfortable in this makeshift limbo. Heck, I am. But the comfort is starting to turn into a quiet anxiety with a voice… It asks me ‘What life do you want to live?’

I close my eyes and try to see myself many years ahead and happy as can be. There are a few versions of me. I imagine you can manifest at least two paths to happiness yourself. There are variations in happiness, so there must be varying ways to attain it. Then I sit, stand, and walk with these potential branches of fate; trying them on for size. One day I walked the streets like I was preparing to backpack across the world, leaving for an indefinite time and living a nomadic bohemian’s life. The next, I talked about getting a formal 9 to 5 career building job in the heart of the city, swimming with the best of the suited sharks. Then I imagined a smaller backpack, heading to school for continued education to the ends of academia; professorship. In two out of three I wanted a motorcycle.

I dreamt, thought and spoke about the different ways I could go about living the next great chunk of time. I would say one thing one day, full of passion, and the following day it would all be void for something completely different. My friends could not keep track. My family stopped asking. My best friend in particular found this annoying. She asked me to tell her straight, or shut up about ‘my plans’. I had been going back and forth for some time now…

So I admitted to my lack of lifestyle commitment, and she gave me a good suggestion. She told me to just choose one. At first, the idea of letting go of all my options was scary. But now I see that in order for any one of them to be realized, I have to actually pursue one for real. They will always remain a fantasy if I keep them all floating in the potential air. I want to ground my life though. Its hard to ground things, because everything is possible up in the air, and in the fruition of dreams we often lose some fruit (simply, in reality its never as perfect as you hoped for).

If I choose one and follow through, it might not be the one after all. But at least I will know. Trial and error, a damn classic; for good reason nonetheless. I would like to convey this wisdom then, being that there is wisdom to be had here. I can say this much, my best friend has done a lot of different living. She thinks of something great, gives it a serious good whirl and comes out the better, closer to her ‘thing’. That is the way to live. I look up to that girl. And so I will take her words of advice.

Now only to choose…