I’m sorry but its true.
Let’s begin with simple statistics. There are currently 7.6 billion people on Earth. They can’t all be winners. I’m not going to apply Darwin’s Theory of ‘survival of the fittest’ here but there will be moments throughout this piece where his ideas correlate.
*Disclaimer* My brain is a very weird place, so some of my examples and tangents will be strange. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind…
In animals it is easy to see how being ‘nice’ can leave you worse off than your fellow creatures. If you’ve ever seen a mother dog, cat or pig feeding its babies from its tits, you’ll see that sometimes not all the kids fit. I have no clue how many tits they come with, 5 maybe? But when there’s more offspring than nipples, there’s often a runt in the litter.
Why you may ask? Well, its because either the little sucker was weak from the get-go and couldn’t compete with the hustle of his brothers and sisters, or the kid is just too nice. His reward, malnutrition. Okay, okay, before the veterinarians and scientists come at me, I’ll say this…its a bloody metaphor, relax. Its a metaphor for people like Harold at the beginning of the movie Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle…stay with me here, I promise you it will all make sense.
Well, Harold is the office runt. The douchebags in the company use and abuse him at work because he takes it. Because he’s weak. Because he’s too nice. Because he believes hard work and sacrifice will pay off. But it doesn’t.
*Spoiler Alert* At the end of the film, he grows a spine, stands up for himself and gets the girl. Go Harold!
Now I used to be nice. Truthfully, my parents raised a very polite kid…okay, they tried their best. My mother however, she was the nicest person you could ever meet. No, seriously. And what did she get in return for being the kindest soul I know? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Everybody just took and took from her, and she kept on giving. But very few replenished her jar of kindness. At 19 I sobered up…(at the same time I started proper drinking, funny how that is). What I meant to say is, I sobered up to the reality that nice guys finish last. No more apologizing for others when they bump into me. No more offering to do extra without recognition or recompense. No more letting people bulldoze through me without getting a taste of my crazy wrath.
At 19, an asshole was born. And I’m afraid to say, she’s only gotten worse with age.
Living in London, England worsened my condition further. I was no longer a Canadian among Canadians. I was a Canadian out of water, and I quickly learned to take the politeness down a notch…it made me look stupid. And that was when the stereotype of the nice Canadian stopped applying to me. I am a rude Canadian. And I’m proud of it.
Why?
Rude people get what they want. They don’t let other people’s wants and needs supersede their own. They’re not shy. They don’t wait patiently. They’re the go-getters that lack shame and err on the side of excessive confidence. They’re the guy that got the girl you wanted, while you were too scared to ask her out. They’re the girl who got the promotion you wanted, even though she didn’t deserve it. She acted like she did, so they gave it to her. They’re the person who got served by the bartender before you, because they demanded attention. They’re the people you should want to be…even though they’re assholes.
Why?
Its not what you know. Its what you do with the little that you know. Its not what you have, its what you do with the little that you have. And its not what you deserve, its what you think you deserve…because in the end, that’s what you get.
Why do lovely people end up in the worst relationships or circumstances? Bad luck to an extent. The rest is them believing its what they deserve. Being too humble is a sin, as far as I’m concerned. You end up being a walking charity case and everyone knows it. Its like having a ‘Kick Me’ sign on your back. So in conclusion, if you’re too nice, you’ll end up last.
Now I’m not going to name names…even though I want to…SO FUCKING BADLY. But I really hope certain people I know, read this post. And better yet, stop being so fucking nice. Its really not benefitting you, accommodating others so much, all the damn time.
So if this is you, please repeat after me.
Say “NO.”
Say “Fuck you.”
Say “That’s mine.”
Then take it. Because that’s the world we live in folks, sad as it may be. But how did the most successful people become successful? Well, they weren’t lending their lawnmowers to their neighbour who still hasn’t returned their shovel, that’s for sure. And they weren’t letting others make decisions for them. They called the shots. They chose to be where they wanted to be. And with some time and effort, they got to where they are now; the top.
*I now realize that I should have included another disclaimer* If you’re already an asshole, or your name is Ken Chapman, this post doesn’t apply to you.
That concludes this message.
Have a good day.
Oh and just cuz its in my top 10 movies of all time…here’s my favourite scene haha
giselleandbeyond 
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