Oh wait, I mean have. The nerds HAVE inherited the Earth. And I’m not complaining…I just think its funny. The modern dictionary defines a nerd as ‘a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.’ e.g. “one of those nerds who never asked a girl to dance.” And if anyone has been to school, its a given that you can easily spot the nerds. Or at least, it used to be easy. Now the line is blurred.
Let me divulge. The classic nerd was weak in body but strong in mind. This limited their success in a world before technology was paramount to every industry known to man. In a world where muscle was king and intellectuals only good for theoretical discussion but not application (muscle remember?) they were a fringe society, I daresay outcasts even. Positions of power and influence were given to those who bullied their way to the top, with physical demonstrations of their ‘alpha’ claims and a strong following garnered by avid social appetites. My dad is the perfect example. He went to Montana State University in the 1960s, played football and was a member of Sigma Nu Fraternity. Automatic douche. When I ask him for stories, he’s weary of telling me the details; never has a hesitation suggested so much. But from what I’ve gathered, looking through his 1967 yearbook (naughty scribbles throughout), he lived through a very polarized time. Identities were blatantly showcased and categorized without second thought. You had your jocks, your cheerleaders and then your keeners…according to him, there wasn’t need for a fourth category. He’s a douche remember. Or was…you know what I mean.
Anywho, fast forward almost 50 years (fuck he’s old) and you’ll see the change. The brainiacs have followed through on what many deemed empty threats…”We shall inherit the Earth” one nerd said…no one recalls his name, no one even knew who he was.
Then it began…with Zack Morris’s dad carrying a brick of a cordless phone, penetrating the mainstream. At first, we saw convenience. The bricks got smaller and then other things began to change. Computers started showing up at work and made more and more frequent appearances at home. Things like email took the pressure off engaging in real time with real voices and real nerves. The nerds took a step forward. But only a step.
Then the internet took off. Communication changed forever. Our pocket gadgets got smaller and more useful. Apps that provided shortcuts took care of a lot of unnecessary effort. Technology found its way into every facet of our lives and before you knew it, physical ability and strength were no longer essential. Social skills were the next barrier to be cut. The introduction of social media delivered the exact opposite of what it claimed to provide. A multi-faceted tool to spark our engagement with each other turned very quickly into a mask from which we now hide behind. Innumerable filters allow for a natural skill once raw and unguarded to be ever processed and defensively distant. What more could a socially inept nerd ask for?
After all, they invented it.
Even dating, the oldest domain of the frat boy/jock has now been irrevocably altered in the favour of those too nervous or devoid of skill in the art of flirtation. What happened to the craft of a solid pick-up line a la Seth Green, circa ‘Can’t Hardly Wait’? Even the guts required to walk over to a person have been replaced with a quick swipe on your phone while you’re taking a shit.
Now the nerd gets the girl. Oh, and the top job…as long as there’s no heavy lifting involved. Don’t worry, there’ll always be a need for shit kickers somewhere…
So you see, the prophecy came true. Though it was never flaunted in your face. Why you may ask? The push back. They know they are slowly adjusting things to their preference, but they don’t want you to be aware. Nerds are not confrontational. They’re fucking smart.
So now when I take a good look at my high school classroom, its a little unfamiliar. There is no defining quality that makes a ‘nerd’ these days…because the characteristics and behaviours have been so normalized. Nerd culture is the majority culture now. Cheeky buggers.
What’s my deep and meaningful message you may ask?
That not all traditional alpha behaviours are neanderthal and deserve to be obsolete. Confidence and skill in public speaking for example, sport and the bodily effects of physical activity…which also benefits romantic endeavours. And hey, if you’re still old fashioned and pick up your ladies or lads in a face-to-face approach, that is becoming ever more rare and ever more appealing. Gadgets and gizmos are dandy, and hey, we’re all addicts in a way. But our dependence on these devices cost us inherent skills that were once unique advantages for those who held or pursued them.
Never before has the playing field been so level. Never before has the playing field been so competitive.
*Bonus points if you can spot my pops…
giselleandbeyond 
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