Generation gaps and the spaces between

Do you change your voice or use a slightly different vocabulary when that family member or friend calls? Well, I sure do. And I think there’s a fair chance you might too. I would also like to think that there is a reasonable reason for this scenario…

My best friend calls : ‘Hey G’
Me: ‘Wasssup babe!?’
She: ‘Wanna grab a bite and chill at my place?’
Me: ‘Yeah sounds good’

My father calls: ‘Hello Giselle dearest’
Me: ‘Hello Dad, how are you today?
Dad: ‘I am doing well and you?’
Me: ‘ I am doing well also thank you dad’

You get the gist. Mind you my Papa Smurf is a ripe 71 years old, though I can’t quite understand why I speak to him in a way unnatural to me. Sure I know and even use big words, but to my 24 year old mouth, some verbal protocol with the old man is just plain exhausting. Is that cruel to say? Does that make me a modern day linguistic neanderthal? I hope not. He is formal in speech, and so am I. He is formal in almost all his actions, and so I mirror him naturally. First came dad then kid. I wonder why he is so formal, and his upbringing answers right away. Next I ponder why I play along…

I entertain his ways and sustain a habit that serves him no good outside our relationship. He can and most likely does maintain other bonds with similar correspondence, and yet he fails to connect with the new generation of people worth knowing. Most of us don’t speak in slang, rather we have a comfort with speaking informally and encounters all the same. Our generation does not fear the casual side of conversation and I believe it makes us better. The ability to connect on affairs in strict declaration and on feelings in the moment allow for greater connection. When your boss asks you for your timely report, and then if you watched ‘the game’ last night, you may feel closer to him. That small extension from the mandatory exchange is worthwhile then. Your friendship gains ground and your reason to work hard increases because you will in turn care more; you work with friends.

Its a bit different with dad, though its effects can be very much the same. Breaking the careful mould of classic father-daughter is something to be weary of; but I feel like tapping the glass. Is he keeping social distance because he would rather not know what I’m up to? Or does he just not know how to be casual with me? He was brought up in a very uptight family. Nevertheless I imagine that if I poured him a glass, maybe four, of this wine I am drinking and changed my ‘dearest dad’ way of speaking we could have a ball. I feel ready to drop the age gap sensitivities and parent/guardian expectations for a more real exchange. I wonder how he would take to a more candid me. I do feel quite grown-up these days, and I don’t see why we cannot relate on a more realistic note.

And yet I see the origin for these unique approaches to conversing with certain people. They remind us of the beauty of carefulness with each other’s disposition. We think before we speak. We think more about whom we are speaking to, and where they come from, into our lives. In creating a new kind of speech for a specific group or person, we require the consideration of unique lives lived. We develop our tongues for the appropriateness of the exchange and I see this as a gain, not a loss. We become more dynamic because we meet the other person where they feel comfortable, and go beyond our regular social routine to meet them. Our range of social ability is therefore greater for the extensions we make. Its not a matter of being fake, its a matter of developing a social skill.

But I’m still going to say ‘What’s up?’ to my dad tomorrow…